Lonely Author Decodes Men/Women English

Lonely Author has caught some grief over his guide for communicating with women. Hey, people I am a lover not a fighter. In my continued efforts to promote peace and harmony between the sexes I will decode Men/Women English.

But first, to prove he is a lover and not a fighter, here is an excerpt of his pillow talk from last night:

Lonely Author: “Honey, I want to make love to you badly.”                       Mrs. Lonely Author: “Well, at least you don’t overestimate yourself.”

Okay, plain and simple (like my donuts) decoding Men/Women English.

* Yes……………………………….No

* No………………………………..Yes

* Maybe……………………………No

* We need………………………….I want

* I am sorry………………………..You’ll be sorry

* We need to talk………………….You’re in trouble

* Sure, go ahead……………………You better not

* Do what you want……………….You will pay for this later

* I am not upset……………………Of course, I am upset, you moron!

* You’re attentive tonight…………Is sex all you ever think about?


* I am hungry………………………I am hungry

* I am sleepy……………………….I am sleepy

* I am tired…………………………I am tired

* Nice dress…………………………Nice cleavage!

* I love you…………………………Let’s have sex now

* I am bored………………………..Do you want to have sex?

* May I have this dance?………………I’d like to have sex with you.

* Can I call you sometime?…………..I’d like to have sex with you.

* Do you want to go to a movie?……I’d like to have sex with you.

* Can I take you out to dinner?……..I’d like to have sex with you.

* I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit…………..I’m gay


Have a wonderful week.

Keep smiling.

Keep writing.




Devil Girl Diaries 4 – (Subway Madness)


Every man has that one unforgettable woman that will haunt him until his final day; the girl that got away. Allie detested television, vanilla ice cream, and missionary. She explored the depths of her sexuality; while I discovered the heights of my pain. My muse had a nickname. I called her Devil Girl. I write these words to ease my sorrows. My name is Andrew.

This is our story.


weeks after the Pandora episode

I found a message upon my desk

the card contained her sweet scent

her note mentioned a time and place

it contained simple instructions                                       

watch, follow,  you don’t know me

 I don’t know you

the rules seemed simple enough                                           

hours later I stood in the crowded train station                                             

she was nowhere to be found                                                                       

a slight parting of the mob                                                                 

revealed my darling angel                                                                                           

 my heart jack hammered against my ribs               

she wore a sheer white blouse                                                                       

that revealed her bra silhouette                                                               

a short beige skater skirt                                                                             

beige high heels that looked well standing up

and just as sweet  in the air                                                          

reaching for the stars  

knowing Allie, panties were optional                                                          

the men around her stole discreet glances

what a silly game she played                                                                                 

a subway slowly pulled into the station                                                                

bringing a slight breeze with it

my throat went desert dry                                        

her fluttering skirt defied gravity                                                  

revealing her perverted plans and more                         

what are you doing Devil Girl

To be continued next Saturday

What actor/actress would play you in the story of your life?

Hola. I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who supported me last week through a crazy week of posting excerpts of my manuscripts. Your reactions and comments about my work and ideas, inspired me to plow forward on my quest toward publication.

One interesting thing that did occur; so many people suggested actors to play different roles. That is a game I often play with my family.

When I wrote The Executioner’s Diary, I thought of a younger Antonio Banderas as the perfect actor to play the role of a Cuban refugee turned hit man.  I once mailed him and his representatives a copy of my screenplay; but never heard back from them.

The role of Veyda in Paradox was written for Kate Beckinsale. With the few remaining humans accepting their dismal fate; Veyda is the tough soldier who refuses to believe humanity will become extinct. After watching her gritty performance in Underworld, I wanted Kate Beckinsale as my female lead. (It would also provide Lonely Author the opportunity to meet one of his  favorite actresses. Oh, God, she is so hot. Hey a chimp can dream can’t he?)

So, I ask you.

What actor /actress would play YOU in the movie about your life?



Books That Inspire Lonely Author

Here is a list of books that have inspired Lonely Author. (Please remember I am talking books not movies that Hollywood butchered).

1- Of Mice and Men (John Steinbeck)     My all-time favorite

2- The Godfather (Mario Puzo)     The book that made me want to write.

3- The Bell Jar (Sylvia Plath)

4- The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)     Tissues please.

5- The Secret (Rhonda Byrne) Only non-fiction book. It is a life changer.

6- 1984 (George Orwell)

7- Don Quixote de la Mancha (Miguel de Cervantes)

8- The Winds of War (Herman  Wouk)

9- The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (L. Frank Baum)  Sparked my imagination.

10-The Time Traveler’s Wife (Audrey Niffenegger)

11- The Hunt For Red October (Tom Clancy)

12- For Whom The Bell Tolls (Ernest Hemingway)

13- A Time To Kill (John Grisham)

14- The Alienist (Caleb Carr)

15- The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (Stieg Larsson)

16- The Witching Hour (Anne Rice)

17- Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)

18- A Tale of Two Cities (Charles Dickens)

19- Rage of Angels (Sidney Sheldon)

20- The Bad Place (Dean Koontz)






Normally, I try to post a poem on Thursday, however due to the holiday, I will post one today.



They buried Jessie’s older brother today

he just finished turning five

she never had a toy, tv, or internet

yet she’s grateful to be alive

her brother taught her one through ten

by counting her fragile ribs

now she smiles when her stomach growls

as Mama feeds the newborn in the crib

Jessie runs barefoot down a dirt road

in a tattered dress of white

with baby fed, Mama has only one concern

will Jessie eat tonight

According to the United Nations World Food Programme statistics, approximately 3.1 million children under the age of five die each year from hunger or poor nutrition.


Lonely Author Guide To Communicating With Women

Men, have you ever stared at the phone trying to decipher the last thing your better half just uttered? Have you ever scratched your head knowing she said something between the lines?  Have you ever taken selfies wearing fine lingerie, nail polish, and perfume?  Ooops, that’s a post for another day.

Christmas isn’t here yet, but here is an early gift for men, a guide to communicating with women because you already realize that yes means no, no means no, no means yes, or sometimes maybe….ah, shucks, you get the idea.

  1. Fine – This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
  2. Five Minutes – If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour       (possibly more). Five minutes is only three minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
  3. Nothing – This is the key word. This is the calm before the storm. Don’t let yourself be fooled. Nothing never means nothing. Nothing means something. It could mean anything. Or possibly everything. But nothing is never nothing. Glad we cleared that up.  Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine.” (See number 1).
  4. Go Ahead – Oh, oh oh. This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It! Abandon ship. Abandon ship.
  5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing if necessary).
  6. That’s Okay – This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
  7. Thanks – A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome and be grateful.
  8. Whatever – Is a women’s way of saying go to hell!  If she were mad enough she would send your herself, but she knows you would get lost and fail to ask for directions anyway.
  9. Don’t worry about it or I got it – Another dangerous statement. She has asked you to do something several times, but is  now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman will respond nothing. (Please refer to number 3).
  10. I am tired. Let’s go to sleep – Gentlemen, if she says this during an argument, this is code for two words; Lorena Bobbitt. Don’t do it. She is in full Freddie Kruger mode. Drink coffee. Pinch yourself. Or learn to sleep with one eye open.

    Have a wonderful week.

    Keep smiling.

    Keep Writing.


Devil Girl Diaries 3 – (Pandora)


Every man has that one unforgettable woman that will haunt him until his final day; the girl that got away. Allie detested television, vanilla ice cream, and missionary. She explored the depths of her sexuality; while I discovered the heights of my pain. My muse had a nickname. I called her Devil Girl. I write these words to ease my sorrows. My name is Andrew.

This is our story.

shirtless in Allie’s bed

Pandora kissed my broad chest

her hands undid my jeans

my desires slowly got the best of me

how could I be doing this?

Pandora freed me from my denim shackles

clutching me as if she won a proud trophy

she looked back at a dark corner

you didn’t warn me she sighed

a mischievous giggle escaped the darkness

reminding me Allie was there

before I could protest

a warm accomodating mouth devoured me

I moaned, trembled, stroked Pandora’s mane

pushed back on the bed my passions rose

fours hands and two mouths explored me

teasing, caressing, pleasing

Allie is this what you want?

she smiled and whispered

yes, I am your Devil Girl

I coupled with Pandora

hours later exhaustion got the best of me

resting between two sleeping sirens

voluptuous Pandora on my right

Allie in fetal position to my left

I recalled my Christian beliefs

and sighed

what have you done to me Devil Girl

Happy Saturday. More next week.